Lithurgy.......

By now, we've moved back to New Brunswick and I was finally able to get in to see my old Dr at the Mental Health Clinic. I wasn't happy with the blog site where I was writing Life With Sparky and decided to move it here where I'm more accustomed with the mechanics and layout. After this next post, all postings will be new. It's my intention to chronicle my latest attempt to find the right drugs to tame the bipolar beast within.

Finally got to see Dr Sanjay yesterday and here I go again with the meds. I was quite emphatic that Effexor was not an option. I could be guaranteed a lifetime supply and still not take it. Of course I also don’t have drug coverage at this time, so I’m back on Lithium. I was on it before and didn’t like how it made me feel, but I’m hopeful that in conjunction with the Risperidone it won’t be as bad. It’s also cheap - $14 for a 70 day supply. Dr Sanjay writes scripts for 70 days to save on dispensing fees. He’s also gave me the paperwork to apply for a drug card through Social Services. If they say no, which I’m anticipating as they said no 2 years ago, he’ll be able to get me one through the clinic. Universal health care my ass.

Funny. I only feel crazy when I am actually taking the meds, that moment of setting aside what I’m doing to swallow pills makes me feel crazier than any thing else. Panic attacks, anxiety, inability to get out of bed - that all pales in how swallowing the meds makes me feel.

It’s hard to feel like my thoughts are really my own. When I’m depressed, I feel a disconnect from my thoughts and feelings because I know I am feeling that way because of the depression. BUT, when I’m on meds or not depressed, I feel a disconnect from my thoughts and feelings because I feel that they are what they are because of the meds. I never seem to feel like they are truly mine.

So, I decided it would be good to have a project, something to do everyday and have decided to start chronicling this latest round of which meds will work. I figure it will also be a good way to chart how I’m feeling, something to look back on from time to time and see how I’m doing comparatively speaking.

So, here we go, 300mg Lithium and 2mg Risperidone daily!