Trying to remember......

...to take my meds every night...... after years of being on them it took only a few months to forget to take them. Tom is good though, he'll always ask "did you take your meds yet?" - especially when I fall asleep on the couch during the evening.

I'm not sure why but taking the meds is when I really feel crazy. Some meds you might be able to fool yourself as to why you take them. Kind of hard to pretend that Lithium is for anything but being nuts. And the "anti-psychotic" in big letters on the side of the box of Risperidone is hard to miss....... although from what's listed on the box, I could pretend it's for dementia -maybe pretending it's Alzheimer's would make it easier.

Maybe if I'd grown up without being told that there was something wrong with me would make the diagnosis easier to handle. Turns out I was crazy but not in the way the egg donor meant. From her it was a judgment. From the Dr it was a relief - a reason why I felt the way I did, one that made sense and didn't make me feel less than.

I don't mind the diagnosis. I made my peace with it many moons ago. But for some reason I mind how taking the pills makes me feel......