And so it goes.....

If you read my last post, you know all about the whopping power bill we got. Well, I called out local MLA (member of the legislative assembly) and he put us in touch with a department at Social Services that may be able to help with the bill. Seems we may qualify for a heating rebate of up to $500 and we have the ball in motion to see if we qualify, fingers crossed.

Poverty is often referred to as grinding and I cannot think of a more accurate description. There's a reason that people from lower incomes suffer from depression more than those who live in a higher tax bracket. Grinding is exactly what poverty does - it grinds away at your pride, your self esteem and overall sense of self worth. Right now I'm hoping we are considered poor enough to qualify for a drug card that would cover my medications. We're so far below the poverty line we can't even see it and yet the last time we lived here I was disqualified for the drug card. My Dr will be able to get me one through the clinic if social services (doesn't that just sound better than welfare? same thing but less stigmatic to me) declines me yet again. Still, it's demeaning enough to have to apply for one but then to be denied for not being poor enough?

But, if it gets me my meds I suppose it's all for the best. As I said before, Tom and I are the little people. Eating out means having enough for a value meal at McDonalds and that usually still emans a coupon of some kind is involved. I've made my own pads for out if both economical and environmental concerns. We rarely buy meat and only then if it's on sale. I've been making do with underpants that fall off if I'm wearing a nightgown and despite our huge power bill, we're living in a cold house. In the past I've used shampoo to wash dishes when the dish soap ran out and we didn't have the money to buy new right away.

But, we get by. We always have food, sometimes from the food bank, the cats always have food and clean litter. We have the internet. We have a roof over our heads and clothes that are clean. Except for underpants, all my clothes come from the thrift store but that's also a preference not just an economic necessity. Reduce, reuse and recycle people, it's what it's all about. I've been a thrift store fan since I was a teenager thanks to my stepmother. Retail is for suckers.

Inasmuch as we do get by, it's still a struggle and to then be told that you aren't poor enough? That's a slap that stings more than going to the food bank. I felt much of my progress slip away when we got that power bill last week and I'm working hard to get back to where I was so I can continue to improve. It sucks to have something outside of yourself take away progress when I work and fight so hard for every small bit of improvement. I'm still feeling more engaged that I did before the meds started, but I've lost a fair bit of my new optimism. It's tilting at windmills to be sure, but things shouldn't be so hard all the time. So, cross your fingers for us that we are considered poor enough for the rebate to help with our power bill. We should find out in the next few days.

And I was supposed to have an appointment with Dr Sanjay today but I had to reschedule. We didn't have the bus fare I needed to get there and back. But we get by. Barely.